Writing Tips: When Actions Overlap

Can you pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time? It’s difficult, isn’t it?

Like:

Fastening her necklace, she turned off the lights.

A sentence like this raises a false simultaneity flag.

Maybe the writer meant: one thing, then the other. But the way it’s written suggests both are happening at the same time. Which they’re not. Unless she can fasten the necklace with one hand (maybe!) and turn off the lights with the other. Or maybe the lights are voice activated.

Sure, there are maybes. But odds are, the writer meant: first this, then that.

Instead:

• Having fastened her necklace, she turned off the lights.
• After fastening her necklace, she turned off the lights.
• She fastened her necklace and turned off the lights.
• She fastened her necklace, then turned off the lights.

You might not love all of these. Some (the first two…) feel filtered or stiff. But they’re all grammatically sound. I like options 3 and 4 best – how about you?

When you write these kinds of -ing constructions, think about patting your head and rubbing your belly. Are they really happening at the same time? If not – recast.